Tag Archives: retroblog

if you are nice to them

26 Mar


I learned that being a friend, takes a lot of time and commitment. We always were together. Being a friend is cool. You have to listen to your friends. You have to help them fix their problems. Your friends also will do the same if you are nice to them. You feel safer when you have a friend. It is nice to know that someone counts and you and that you can count on someone too.


burn them all

5 Mar

retroblog thursday
I have a folder of some of the drawings I haven’t thrown out yet and some things I’d been meaning to write about, things I just wanted to have written somewhere, or things I wrote and think are really dumb now. I can’t decide if when I have kids I will hide my art and writing somewhere to be found when I’m dead or burn them all right away.


stay out of trouble

26 Feb


retroblog thursday

An obnoxious and clearly fictitious Xanga excerpt from April 22nd, 2005:

And the coast was clear. I grabbed my bag but ditched the books. After all, you can’t rebel and do your homework at the same time. The five minute passing time between third and fourth period when the security guards headed down toward the cafeteria seemed like the perfect opportunity. Who was I to turn down the chance for escape? I hurried past the entrance and made a mad dash down the street. The bus stop was less than a quarter of a mile away. I kept running until I saw the bus pulling up behind me. Without catching my breath, I jumped in the monstrous vehicle and galloped toward the back of the bus– not without first throwing four quarters at the driver’s face. I felt bad about bruising his eye with the metal pellets, so I apologized a second later. This man was assisting me in my juvenile delinquency– I at least owed him that.
“Buy yourself something nice,” I said, tossing him an extra quarter.
“Thanks, kid,” he said. “Stay out of trouble.”
He smiled as if he knew. It was as if he knew that I was on my way to defile the house of a mere memory. The tools hidden in the pockets of my backpack nearly burst with anticipation. The red spraypaint had been tucked away in the corners of my closet for years, waiting for the chance to be used to be used on a suspecting victimizer. When I reached my destination, I performed my retaliation ritual for the first time. Though I’m sure it didn’t hurt as much as he’d hurt me, the act was indeed cathartic.
I made it back to school in time for lunch. Know one even questioned my absence. I wouldn’t be surprised if they told me they hadn’t noticed. I’m used to it. I finished off the rest of the horrible school day and came home to tell you about it.

and tell you sorry for the mess

19 Feb

retroblog thursday


February 26th, 2009

Hello, self. I just wanted to let you know that it is quite possible that I am in like with Daniel C. He is so nice, and friendly, and tall, and has a sweet smile. It’s exciting to think about the possibility of him liking me too.

Princess thought he liked me. She mentioned it first. After church that Friday, a group of us went to Big City Diner for a late night meal. There was live music by the Saloon Pilots.

One time, I was looking past Daniel at the band. And when I was turning around to face the table again, I caught him looking at me. We made eye contact for a split second before we both turned away. I was embarrassed… for him, for me, for thinking that it could mean something more than what it probably was.

But it was more than just that one moment that made me feel something for this guy. It was the way he always knew I was there. He saw me, and that was just really nice. On the Tuesday after that, some of us went to town to catch a 3-D movie. Daniel was there. We sat beside together in the theater, and before the movie started, we turned to look at each other with our 3-D glasses on. We laughed.

That was my favorite part of the night.

I thought about him all week. I had butterflies all week, and I was already counting the days until they disappeared. That night I dreamt The X wanted to store some things in my house. I made him wait until I cleared my room of anything I didn’t want him seeing. Then I guess I let him in. Guess I let him leave his things. I know now what it meant.

captured by boys

12 Feb

retroblog thursday

On March 22nd in 2001, I was recounting the events at the junior high camping trip. On the first day, we had a sand sculpture contest, and omg omg omg, I was so happy because I was teammates with The Hunter and Beach Hair, and they’re both so cute! Beach Hair buried himself in the sand, and we sculpted him into a mermaid. We got last place, but WHO CARES, RIGHT? That night, one of the teachers organized a game of Christians in Communist China which is a lot like Capture the Flag, only creepier. The object of the game was to get to the Christian meeting at the right place and at the right time without getting captured by communists. We were running around and hiding, and I didn’t write it here, but I probably really had to pee. And, you know what, Diary, even though The Hunter was a communist and he captured me, he’s really funny and sweet, and I like him a lot… as a friend. ALSO, Jake is pretty cool. ALSO, Beach Hair knows my name. Oh, and my sister was at this camp too, but we run in, like, totally different circles.

we were friends

5 Feb

retroblog thursday

On November 29th in 2005, I wrote about Explorer and our conversations on the third floor in Sinclair Library. After telling me some about his band and approving the playlists on my iPod, he looked up at me and paused. Said he was trying to figure me out. And I thought it was so nice of him to think I’m complex, but it worried me that one day he’d find I was simple and not at all mysterious or interesting. We had lunch together once or twice between classes, and I sort of just sat there trying not to make him uncomfortable. Turns out it was cool, though. After he and his band dropped out of school to work on their music in the forest on the Big Island, we reminisced about the nice times we had together at University. And they were nice. And I missed them. Started dating FutureX shortly after and lost contact with Explorer which still sort of bums me out because I feel like there was something scientific and good about he and I being friends.




Work today was rough. I don’t even want to get into it. Then Buffalo sent me a message online this afternoon, and I remembered all the warm and good parts about friends and keeping them. For TBT, she posted a picture of the two of us hanging out at her house over a year ago, because I think she likes me too. I’ve been getting messages from Beauty inviting me to this thing for church, making me feel all loved and special, but I’ve been pretty bad at getting back to her about it. I was thinking I wouldn’t, but I’ll tell her later that I’ll go. It’s probably the Friendly thing to do. Wolf’s been nice, too. I mean, he puts a strange emphasis on our being friends, but I like to think I’m smart about it. I won’t be visiting his place like he’s offered, but I’ll respond to his texts and say hello when he walks by. I feel that I like too few people to let them disappear like I did Explorer.

ten things i hate about fireman

29 Jan

retroblog thursday

Tuesday, January 25th, 2005


It was during my Teenagest Time Ever when I was super emotional about everything, and it all sucked. I never planned to tell Fireman that before stuffing a really sad (sad-sad, but mostly pathetic-sad) note in his locker about two months after we broke up, I transcribed it in my journal so that it could haunt me forever. Because we’d previously talked about liking the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, I thought it would be pretty dramatic and sweet of me to, in Kat’s style, list all the things I hated about him and end with a line about hating how I didn’t hate him. Not even a little bit. Not even at all. After reading it now, I realize things like “my bracelets” and “Purple Thursdays” aren’t really Things About Him. They’re just things that reminded me of him because we’d talked about them before, which I hated also. When we met up for smoothies in 2012, we talked about movies. He asked if I like 10 Things I Hate About You, and I was going to tell him that yes I do and I remember, I REMEMBER, that he likes it too. But I felt like I’d been given this wonderful gift, a memory in which my embarrassing letter did not exist, and I stopped myself from saying anything more than Yes. I do like that movie.