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Tag Archives: nightmare

young and sad

25 Mar

hardertoreachya.jpeg
Now, I guess, I almost sort of regret that I always said Zayn was tied for last as my favorite member of One Direction. Because I realize that without him, without Liam, even, the band does not exist. I mean, it does, technically, but not in the way it did, the way it should, or ever will again. And I’m closer to thirty than I am to sixteen so maybe they’re not as much mine as maybe NSYNC should have been, but no. They are. And I’m young and sad, and it’s heartbreaking to see them separate.

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awakening

27 Jan

 

01272015I guess I always knew that God loved me. It felt obvious because I’m alive, right? And I was always surrounded by cats and I have Wi-Fi, so, of course. When I became super self-aware, I saw knowing His love as a real problem. Maybe being important to God–THE God–and knowing it is the reason I begin most of my sentences with “I” and feel entitled to a good and happy life. Maybe that’s the reason I have a blog in which everything is about ME. When I meet new people, I want them to know my life story. All the ugly bits, even, so they’ll better understand where I’m coming from. WHO. THE. FUCK. AM. I? How did it get so bad that I’ll think a power outage or a heart-shaped cloud is God’s message to me? I’d like to say that I’ve thought hard about it and have a renewed and awakened sense of myself now, but I worry I’ve been awake for a while and I’m no longer just my nightmare.