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awakening

27 Jan

 

01272015I guess I always knew that God loved me. It felt obvious because I’m alive, right? And I was always surrounded by cats and I have Wi-Fi, so, of course. When I became super self-aware, I saw knowing His love as a real problem. Maybe being important to God–THE God–and knowing it is the reason I begin most of my sentences with “I” and feel entitled to a good and happy life. Maybe that’s the reason I have a blog in which everything is about ME. When I meet new people, I want them to know my life story. All the ugly bits, even, so they’ll better understand where I’m coming from. WHO. THE. FUCK. AM. I? How did it get so bad that I’ll think a power outage or a heart-shaped cloud is God’s message to me? I’d like to say that I’ve thought hard about it and have a renewed and awakened sense of myself now, but I worry I’ve been awake for a while and I’m no longer just my nightmare.

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