20 Oct

It bothers me sometimes that I’m not white, that I don’t look like all the beautiful women on TV. Sometimes. Because other times I’m okay with being Asian. I’m okay-ish with being mistaken for Nihonjin even though I feel too dark, even though I feel I have a little too much auburn hair dye to be anyone other than a plain Japanese girl from Hawaii, like all the others. On my flight back home from New York in 2004, a tall white man who probably learned a few Japanese phrases from some strangers at a swanky city bar when he was half drunk off some low-cal old-man beer and fully convinced that greeting his Asian business partners in their native tongue would help him advance in a job he hated, said some things to me in Japanese as if I’d know, as if it looked that I should know what he was saying. And only because they were first semester beginner phrases, I understood, but I answered in English so he’d stop and feel kind of like a jerk that I wasn’t sure but thought he should feel. But the girls and boys who stopped me at University to ask questions I couldn’t understand, they were okay.


8 Responses to “ethnic”

  1. Jensy October 21, 2012 at 12:12 am #

    Why do you bother of not being white when dark peopleee are so hottt!!!

    • jenibo October 21, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

      I’m don’t identify with white or dark skinned people. Wahh

  2. jessmittens October 21, 2012 at 12:31 am #

    For many of my teenage years, I wished to be a beautiful Japanese woman instead of my white, blonde self.
    It’s strange, our desire to be the thing we aren’t, even if others would love to be what we are.

    • jenibo October 21, 2012 at 9:29 pm #

      It *is* strange! Our dissatisfaction is almost amusing. Loving oneself is complicated.

  3. mytchiemitch October 21, 2012 at 4:31 am #

    kinda like me wanting straight Asian hair instead of curly/wavy hair. went as far as having it chemically treated so it would be straight. we’re never really satisfied because now I miss my waves.

    • jenibo October 21, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

      Yeah, I have wavy Asian hair, but I straight-iron it every day. If I had straight hair, I feel I’d try to get it wavy.

  4. My Mental Stream October 22, 2012 at 2:46 am #

    When working once an Indian woman started speaking Hindi/Tamil/something like that and when I apologised and said sorry I don’t know what you are saying, she hit me on the arm! I dislike being brown at times, and have had a picture of me photoshopped by a friend where I am white with blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. I think it is brilliant, but I will never change so I must learn to love the skin I was born with

    • jenibo October 22, 2012 at 7:23 am #

      That lady is so rude! I’m curious to know how I’d look white. Probably pretty strange. Haha. But I’m glad you’ve accepted yourself (or accepted accepting yourself) as you are, because I’m sure the people who matter wouldn’t want you any other way.

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