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we can be lonely together

20 Sep

When I was seventeen, I spent a lot of time on the city bus coming home from class while the sun was going down. My memories of that time are all sort of dark blue and inky, like the end of a romantic winter indie film. One day after class, right after I transferred at Ala Moana and took my usual seat toward the back against a window, when the sun was directly in front of us and so bright it made me sleepy, I put my earphones in, tucked myself further into my ratty blue jacket, and made myself remember the moment. This moment. Right now. Because it might mean something when I’m twenty-four, when I’m so in love with a boy, I can’t remember ever wanting it, ever being really lonely, ever leaning against the dirty window on the left side of the bus missing a face I’d never seen. When I was seventeen and cold, running home from the bus stop in the rain, listening to Jack’s Mannequin’s Bruised on repeat and feeling entitled to my all-encompassing teenage pain, I didn’t imagine that I’d be twenty-four, indoors on a rainy day, completely over the idea that wet hair is romantic or the somber look on my face means I’m a passionate and interesting person. I never thought I’d show the world that today my world looked like this, and it meant more to me than a good cry, and it’s not even the slightest bit cute for me to spend so much time online listening to a nerdy podcast and eating a quesadilla just because I wanted cheese.

But I didn’t expect to be worrying about the conditions of the road Hot Fiance drives on toward me, that I’d have someone to talk to about the smoothie I drank today, or the way I decided this afternoon that if I had the chance I don’t think I’d want to meet Josh Radnor either.

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4 Responses to “we can be lonely together”

  1. SocietyRed September 21, 2012 at 12:15 am #

    I can’t decide what I like more, the images from your words or from your drawings…great work!

    • jenibo September 21, 2012 at 7:07 am #

      Either would make me immensely happy. 🙂

  2. liveinyourtruth September 21, 2012 at 6:50 am #

    This is beautiful. ❤

    • jenibo September 26, 2012 at 7:42 am #

      Thanks for liking it!

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