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could have been better

7 Sep

Woke up this morning from three or four dreams that I can recall. One of them was in a store with mirrors on the ceiling and aisles and aisles of all the wrong things. The heavy hopelessness of a bad day clung to my body as I made my way to the checkout. I left with only a pack of gum chosen for me by my sister, and a short and confusing conversation with a former classmate. I was wrapped too tightly in my sheets and the heat of summer messes with my head. I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom where I brushed my teeth, splashed some water on my face, looked in the mirror and tried to convince myself that I’m awake, this is real, and today will be better. It was fine, I guess. But it could have been better. It could have been a lot better. I’m tired of writing about how unsatisfied I am with my job. I’m sick of the feeling that while all of this is fine and okay, it’s just not right. It’s frustrating not knowing what it is that I want and being compelled to ask the world to help me.

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