internet is weird

4 Sep

E-Friend wins the Facebook poll with 29% of the votes. Congratulations, E-Friend whom I haven’t known for years now.

Back when I had dial-up and we both used some version of AOL, E-Friend and I would chat over AIM about the weird guys who’d IM us after we spent a few minutes dashing in and out of public chat rooms without saying anything. Or maybe just leaving our A/S/L minus the L, because that’s dangerous and we’re only thirteen year-olds pretending to be fourteen, and if our parents knew that we were disclosing such personal information as our fake age and gender on the web, we’d be grounded for sure and forced to enjoy it because no punishment is worse than some creepy forty-two year old man from West Virginia climbing in through our bedroom windows at 2 a.m. on a school night, whispering about his harrowing journey to Hawaii with the information he gathered from our AIM profiles and Xanga entries before hacking us to pieces with a machete. But it was fun and exciting and we were smart girls who needed creeps to tell us that we were pretty without ever seeing a picture, because we could block them after that and get a new one tomorrow after we met at school and rehashed all the stupid things all the stupid kids online said to us when it was late and they were bored and needed excitement too. E-Friend and I kind of hated ourselves, and I think that’s why we were drawn to each other. We were outside together, everyone else sucked, and we sucked more. I can imagine her disappointment when she realized how concerned I was with being liked by everyone and how my attraction to Surfer Dude was not sardonic. Really, Jen? Really? We grew apart. She never updates her Xanga. I can’t even find her on Facebook. E-Friend, if you’re out there, I’m ready. We can talk about how annoying YOLO is and let’s use hashtags on our Twitter updates as jokes. I’m grown up and super sarcastic and nasty and I think it’s all very funny and something you’d appreciate.

But I guess there are days when I think I should be nice. When I think I should stop saying things that make me sound bitter and jaded, because there are still plenty of days when I feel young and almost disgustingly pleased. Still, though, never cheery. Never cheery. #CallMeMaybe


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