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home-remedy for ugliness

20 May

Some days, I am just less happy than others. And while I’m busy being unhappy, I tend to fill in the empty spaces with anger. Upset. I think that’s a better word. I am upset with the world. After I blogged about how upset I was with the world yesterday, Daniel took me in his car and drove without telling me where we were headed. I managed to keep a solemn uninterested face turned slightly toward the passenger window and away from him for most of the drive, and it made me feel mean and even more upset, this time with myself. But as we drove further up the mountain, up toward the fancy houses on the ridge I’d always wanted to see, I couldn’t help but smile. After our drive up the mountain, we came down and ate at a restaurant while the sun was turning the sky all of my favorite colors. And everything was pleasant and beautiful and I went to bed that night being in love the way I hope to always be, and then I woke up this morning feeling ugly and upset with the world again for no legitimate reason. A good handful of the moments that made up my Sunday were pleasant and beautiful and lovely, but I feel ugly now, on the inside and out, and I feel I should climb my way up the mountain again and instead of having Daniel drive me lovingly toward the bottom, I need to jump off and scrape my own remains off the pavement in the morning.

 

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One Response to “home-remedy for ugliness”

  1. Wendy May 20, 2012 at 9:59 pm #

    Orrrr you can be happy? LOL

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