beneath the pale moonlight

4 Feb

This is a picture of the moon through a screen on the left side of my house.

I spent the day inside, wondering whether it was Saturday or Sunday most of the time. I don’t know if it’s the vog or something else, but breathing has not been easy today. I’ll admit that there are ailments that a small part of me enjoys wearing around like a badge. Like, yeah, I had a softball sized bruise on my inner thigh from go-kart racing before. It hurt. A lot. But I could, like, function. And there are worse things. Like non-stop sneezing or an open wound. But I had a giant bruise. It was red and purple and blue and black and later, an interesting shade of yellow and green. It was COOL. And I was TOUGH. But this, hardly breathing, this is not cool. It actually makes me feel overweight–like, walking up and down the stairs is too much exercise. I don’t like it. I feel trapped. When I saw The Simpsons Movie in 2007, I thought I was going to pass out, because their being in a dome made it difficult for me to breathe. I needed fresh air. I needed wide, open spaces. So, I’m here breathing in an open space, but my lungs still feel trapped. And I have thoughts about sticking a long straw down my throat to find a way to get some air in there. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m coming down with something. Or maybe the vog has finally become too much. I need to be in the mainland, but the last thing I want to do now is get in a plane.


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