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little shaken babies and drunkards seem to all agree

19 Jan

I tried to take a picture that looked exactly the way I saw it in real life. This is, of course, hardly possible. Especially in the dark, the colors never look the same in a photo. And my camera doesn’t have astigmatism, so images are sharper through the lens.

The sky is darker now. Almost completely black. It happened so quickly. It always happens so quickly, and it makes me really sad. I want to capture all the beauty of dusk and keep it in a box that I can fall into when I need an escape. Maybe its elusiveness is what makes it so special. Still, I’m looking forward to a time when I can live in a world of this color and always be fully content.

Maybe I should try to be more positive. Maybe I am nicer than annoying. I am loved. And I care about my family and my friends and my cat and every single episode of Lizzie McGuire. But there are other things that make me happy in a kind of depressing way. Like dusk and bad dreams, gory artwork and reruns of Six Feet Under. Is that just my Taste? Is there a way I can be cute and happy while enjoying all of this? Fully enjoying them? I mean, is there a way for me to be crying in a corner in the dark while being happy and positive? Because, I’m kind of comfortable in the corner. And the dark tastes so sweet.

I’m at the dining table now, waiting for the tea kettle to whistle. I like to enjoy my genmaicha in the least poetic way possible. I mean, I just don’t want it to be like a thing that I do and have to document on Facebook for everyone to like. Like a latte, or whatever, from Starbucks.

And, ow. OW. I just burned my lip on the cup. Not the tea inside of it. The cup. It hurts to drink boiling water, but I really don’t like my tea warm.

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One Response to “little shaken babies and drunkards seem to all agree”

  1. ZachsGoals January 21, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

    In general, people tend to believe the worst thing happen in the dark and when someone prefers the shades drawn we (I include myself becauseI’m sure I have made this mistake) assume that person has a problem, because we all at some point have been frightened by the dark. Scary movies and books place main characters in the dark when you sure to run into the monster or spirit. Most people are so use to this, but when truely terrible things happen the first thing we hear from witnesses is “I can’t believe it happened in broad daylight!”
    I have been and still am attracted to the darker novels, movies, and art (darker ideas?), but looking back I can say I was a day light type of person I guess. So I can’t understand how you feel about this, I don’t think I do anyway. All i know is that if something makes you feel real and makes you feel entirely yourself without needing anyone else to tell you seem happy, is something you should embrace.. Damn, my comments always come out huge! I talk to much!

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