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there’s a tiny leaf in your hair

11 Jan

Okay. I changed my mind. I hate my story. After I worked on it a little tonight, I realized that it is stupid and shallow, and the characters and plotline make me want to vomit. It’s that bad. And I can’t let anyone see it.

I don’t want to talk about it.

Today, I had to drive a car. I usually don’t like doing bank runs or any other type of run that involves me on the road in a brand new car that I do not own, doing things that I don’t like doing, or going places I do not like to go to. For work. But it was all fine until I had to pull out of the lot. After 3.5 years of being a licensed driver, I feel I am still too inexperienced to reverse long distances. And by long distances, I’m talking about fifteen feet. So I waited until there was a path in front to drive through. Luckily, one appeared right away. But from the looks on the faces of the people I drove by, very closely, I determined that this was not a path they’d intended me to drive through. One of the stern, surprised faces belonged to one of the managers there, who once told me, “Why don’t you talk? You need to talk. I hear you’re a nice person, but how am I supposed to know if you never say anything?” I drove through anyway. And I didn’t hit any cars or run over any toes. So, good. Whatever. Oh, also, the lady at Satellite City Hall wasn’t very nice.

When I came back from running errands, I had to do a lot of meaningless work. Like filing papers and running copies and making packets. I have papercuts on my knuckles. They itch. They are red and itchy now. I have not stopped myself from scratching them.

AGHHH. I am unhappy. I am frustrated. Tomorrow is my day off, and Daniel is going to take me to Fisher to buy a fancy pen. And then I want to get that comfy-looking coral-colored jacket I kept passing by at Macy’s while I was Christmas shopping. And then I want to get a bottle of good nail polish. I’ve never bought good nail polish before. And then I want to print out my story just so I can crumple it and set it on fire.

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2 Responses to “there’s a tiny leaf in your hair”

  1. Matty January 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

    First, I know that you have an outspoken and enthusiastic “inner critic.” I’m sure your story is good! Maybe there’s one little thing about it that is bothering you, and that part needs a little bit of polishing. Put it aside for a while and come back to it when you are in a better mood. That’s my first piece of advice.

    Second, I want to savagely beat that manager for saying that. That made me really angry. What kind of effect would he expect that to have on you? Did he consider that a motivational speech? As a quiet person myself, I have had people say awful things to me about how I should speak up more, but nothing as rude as that. I would have told him to bite me. My second piece of advice is for you to slash his tires.

    Third, papercuts are *the worst*. I don’t have any advice about that.

  2. jenibo January 12, 2012 at 6:17 pm #

    I can’t even look at my story, so I’m glad you suggested I take a break from it.

    And, yes. Fred is mean. That is not his real name. I want to take back my first words to him, because they were weak and apologetic. “I talk.” Eww.

    Instead, I want to say, “I don’t like you.” Because even before he said what he said, I did not like the way he spoke to people. He is not very nice to anyone. Also, he might think I’m sweet. And I generally want for everyone I don’t like to be wrong.

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