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because you’re always in the right places

25 Sep

A couple of months ago, someone in my family decided to watch I Love You, Beth Cooper on HBO while I was in the room. I missed the beginning and I only paid half-attention to the rest, but beneath the tedious plot and immature jokes was a sentiment I could not help but appreciate.

From what I gathered, Beth Cooper is the most popular girl in school. This story focuses on Denis’s incredible infatuation with her. Denis is geek, and Beth is not. How original. During high school they are worlds apart, but on the night after graduation, they somehow come together. Denis is thrilled to finally be able to interact with Beth, a girl he barely knows but is sure he loves. Crazy things happen. Then more crazy things happen. And as they are driving away from a gas station where Beth traded a kiss with the cashier for a pack of beer, Denis realizes that she is not who he thought she was.

“You’re not Beth Cooper.”

That was it. I wouldn’t recommend this movie, because I don’t think it was any good. But when Beth fell from her pedestal, I cringed because even in a bad movie, it must have hurt.

Although I was never very popular in high school and I can’t honestly say that I was all that desired, I have always been worried that if someone did happen to want me, he’d change his mind when he saw me up close. To cope in my world, I try to be the girl I think others want me to be. I know that this is wrong. I’ve been told to be myself. And I’m working on it. For the most part, I am myself, and it is nice.

One time, I told a boy that he just thinks that he likes me, and he’ll realize later that he doesn’t. He didn’t know much about me, and I was afraid that by being myself, I would let him down more than my not liking him back. He was upset that I doubted his feelings and he kept asking me out, but when he stopped I figured that I was right, and he’d realized I was not the girl he thought he wanted. I felt lucky that I figured it out before he did, because I know I would have felt just terrible if I’d let him down without knowing I would.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair that Denis is hoping for Beth to be the Beth Cooper he wants. If I were Beth, I should know not to care to meet other boys’ expectations. I should be myself, just like everyone says.

I’m happy here. Daniel and I are happy together. But if a boy who might have liked me in high school meets me again and says that I’ve changed, I’ll take it the wrong way. I’ll feel that I have fallen. And something inside of me will insist that I try to be Beth Cooper again.

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2 Responses to “because you’re always in the right places”

  1. Briana Lau September 25, 2011 at 12:35 pm #

    I remember feeling like this before I met Paul. I wanted everyone to like me and was afraid of totally being myself.. Sometimes I still think about being who others might want me to be, but not too often..

    But, would you really be disappointed if someone were to tell you that you have changed since high school? Don’t you like who you are now, better? It’s not bad to change. It would be more of an observation, not an insult.

    I’m glad that you are trying to be yourself more now cuz I really like the Jen I have gotten to know in the past few years 😉

  2. jenibo September 26, 2011 at 10:04 pm #

    Well, I’d be pretty disappointed if someone who might have liked me during high school told me that I am different now. I’d assume that meant I am no longer likeable. And that would be sad! Because I still kind of do want everyone to like me. Sometimes. Well. Most times.

    I like being myself around you. Because if I do change, you won’t really notice right away since you’re still around. Yknow?

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