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this is more than goodbye

27 Aug

Yesterday morning, I woke up from a dream and its last few words turning in my mind. I knew I had to remember them, so I sent myself an email that read: “Now as everything first existed, it can begin again.” I continued with my morning routine, gathering all the pieces of my dream I could recall. There wasn’t much, but I what I remembered, I hoped to relay to you:

I was standing with four people behind a car, gathering supplies from the trunk. We were going to an outing of some sort. When I heard that our outing required us to bring old photos to add to the archive, I said, “That’s brilliant!” Because somehow, I knew that I was starring in what would be one of my favorite show’s series finale. No one else understood–they were just characters. I’m not sure what series it was, but I knew I loved the people in it and I did not want their end to be written poorly.
Once we got to where we were going, I was surrounded by people I knew I cared for, but didn’t recognize. There were no photos, but that didn’t bother me. Details in dreams change so quickly, but it never really matters. We were standing around a giant fire, sharing stories, one by one. I tried to think of what I would say. I wanted it to summarize my love, to make a difference, to matter to someone, and to be eloquent and entirely satisfying.
But in my dream I must have dozed off, because when I woke up, it was just the four of us again. The fire had burned to a pit of ashes and we were fallen beside it. A gust of wind blew the ashes up, and I could see a giant moon in the sky. A calm, but booming voice said, “Now as everything first existed, it can begin again.” And I woke up.

I know. It doesn’t sound like a real dream. It sounds like an episode of The Twilight Zone. It sounds like I read that line somewhere, and dreamt it up as my own. But I googled and googled, and I came up with nothing. As far as I or Google knows, my mind created that sentence on its own. It gives me an eerie sense of calm when I remember the end of Harry Potter or Six Feet Under, but I don’t fully understand why. How can it begin again? What does it mean?

Although my subconscious communicated this message to me in the form of a TV show’s series finale, I want to believe that there is a Bigger Picture to be seen here. You’ve all been so helpful and insightful the last time I came to you with my weird dream-quote, so please feel free to shed some light on this one! I’m actually quite proud to have dreamt something that sounds like it could make sense.

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2 Responses to “this is more than goodbye”

  1. Matty August 28, 2011 at 6:14 am #

    If a series is really good, you’ll probably want to revisit it later. Once it is over, it can start over again, just as it did the first time.

    The series “Jen Goes to College” just ended, and now you’re in another series, but maybe this mini-series is going to end and you will/should start a different, better one. The voice is telling you that although things end and begin… the really important things… stay the same? As they always have? Guh?

    That’s kind of a stretch (a massive, terrible stretch), but it’s all I can think of. Your dreams are a lot more interesting than mine — most of the time I dream about being chased by spiders.

  2. Chris Kimoto August 30, 2011 at 1:49 am #

    think…flood. Dinosaurs, the meteor that erased their existence..

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