she love everything jay say, jay does

22 Aug

I don’t think I told you about that time when I went out for ice cream with Jake*. Then, it had been seven or eight years since we’d seen each other previously, and suddenly he was in my life again. He was uglier than I remembered, because I remembered him being slightly cute in a slightly non-cute kind of way. In the eighth grade, he was one of my three main heartaches. They happened much more frequently in junior high, but they were still just as heavy and significant. None of them were ever fully healed or resolved then–they just sort of faded, and that was fine.

Now that we were older, things were different. For one, he could drive. He picked me up around seven, when it was dark and raining. I remember sliding around in the seat as he made turns, and trying really hard to look calm. He talked to me like we used to, and became less nervous as I grew more certain that he wasn’t the kind of boy who would kill us in a fiery accident.

Once we got to the ice cream place, he asked me about Life and the Goals I had for mine. Then, the most exciting thing in my life was Facebook. I didn’t even want to try to explain how much YouTube meant to me. I tried to explain “social networking,” but ended our Life-Goals conversation with the usual, “I want to be a writer. I want to write short stories. I don’t want to be a teacher or a journalist. I just want to write. I know it’s not a job that pays much, and it hardly seems like a job at all, but that is what I want to do.” Like most people, I think he thought it was cool. Cool.

Then he began telling me his Life Goals. It sounded like it was a speech he’d practiced. It was refined and well-thought out, not something the old Jake would have said. When he stopped and wanted a response, I began with the “Wow” I felt he wanted. I told him how he’d changed and how I was impressed, but I was thinking how afraid I was that he’d been brainwashed. He was selling things for a living. Like Amway, but trendier. I skeptical that this Whole Thing was some sort of sales pitch. I didn’t write that in my journal, though. I was too embarrassed that if it was true, I’d fallen for it.

Instead, I wrote about how he was a gentleman. He was kind. He opened doors for me. He helped me to feel comfortable when he knew I was nervous, and he insisted I walk on the inside of the sidewalk where it was safer. He was nice, but he was different. He drove me home and we hugged at my front door, and I was happy that at the end of the night, I knew I didn’t want anything more from him.

I remember that night from time to time, and revel at the precise binding of the Jake Chapter. It almost doesn’t seem real.

* At least, that’s what we’ll call him.


One Response to “she love everything jay say, jay does”


  1. a breath from the breathing - February 12, 2015

    […] he captured me, he’s really funny and sweet, and I like him a lot… as a friend. ALSO, Jake is pretty cool. ALSO, Beach Hair knows my name. Oh, and my sister was at this camp too, but we run […]

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