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walking on eggshells half the time

6 Aug

There is so much noise around me. There is so much noise, I cannot concentrate. Zuko is sitting next me. She is licking her chops, even though she ate her dinner hours ago. She is listening to my typing now. While Dad is calling her with clicking noises, she is concentrating on my tapping on the keyboard. Her ears twitch when I type. I wake up many times during the night, and Zuko is at the foot of my bed. When it is morning, she wakes up and walks all over me. Not all cats trust me enough to walk on me. When I wake up I say, “Hi, Zuko,” and she meows back. She is very talkative in the morning, but rather shy at night.

“Zuko,” I say. “How did you sleep?”
“Good,” she meows. “But you kicked me a few times.”
“Oh. Sorry. Did it hurt much?”
“Not the first two times. But the third time hurt.” Zuko licks her left side, but stops when she realizes how concerned I have become.
“Oh, I’m sorry. You can bite me as hard as it hurt if you like.” I put my finger near her mouth, but she turns away.
“No, Jenni. That’s okay.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
“No,” she meows. “I still love you.”
“Oh good,” I meow back. “I love you too.”

Now what? Now that I no longer want to write about my cat tonight, I don’t know what to blog. I’m thinking of making some long-term goals, but I don’t know how I will remember them. I could write them down, but I won’t remember all the little details that will make these goals seem like a good idea in the future. I’m not sure what I’m talking about. I don’t really know what goals I have.

All I know is that I am suddenly grumpy. Yup. I’ve decided to be angry for a little while tonight. At least, I hope it’s a little while. Being angry for too long hurts my stomach. When I’m a little upset with the world, I am more likely to say mean things that I think are funny. It’s kind of great, because even after my anger has subsided, I can recall what I’d said or written and still think it’s funny. It is usually still funny, because it is true and I was feeling too nice to say anything earlier.

Maybe I won’t say anything mean/funny tonight. It’s not as easy if I haven’t been provoked. And I kind of love you guys a little too little to hate you all that much.

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