darkness covers, we find shelter

28 Aug

I finished reading The Hunger Games today. I’m pretty sure I really enjoyed it. At the moment, it’s a little hard for me to separate my feelings from the feelings of someone else about the story. I wish I knew why, but I don’t care enough to think about it any more than this. Catching Fire is the next book. I wish I could relate to the protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, more than I do now. She’s much stronger than I am, and far less spoiled. But the little parts of her that I’ve attached myself to seem kind of minor. Like Katniss, I feel trapped in valleys and next to large rocks. I need to be in high places, where I can see everything, where there are no surprises, and where I feel free. There’s also this little thing about fire. It wasn’t, like, a huge deal in the first book, but being known as The Girl On Fire seemed important. I mean, knowing the title of the second book may have tipped me off too. I’ve never been really into setting fires or playing with fire, but I’ve always felt connected to it, in a way. Or just… like it. I know this is weird, and that I am probably trying too hard to show you that I’m more interesting than I think you think I am, but this blog is for me too. And reading this in the future might give me an idea of who I thought myself to be, if I ever forgot.

There are a lot of things going on around me that I don’t really understand. People are moving and making a lot of noise, but I’m mostly just standing around and waiting. I don’t even know what I’m waiting for. It’s cliche to say that I’m waiting for my life to start, but I can’t help but think it. It’s not really a good way to continue for so long, so I’m going to help myself to realize, somehow, that this is my life. Right now. And if I don’t snap out of this state soon, I’m going to miss it. Trapping myself in a book seems to pass the time interestingly enough, but it’s not exactly helping me out of this trance. It might bother me some time in the distant future, but it suits me fine now. So, forget what I said about snapping out of it. I’d rather crawl deeper and deeper to a place where things are just the way I want them to be.

Woah, without realizing it, I’ve transported myself back into the dreamworld created by the movie Inception. I’m not even going to tell you how Avatar and Harry Potter are hopelessly intertwined with my everyday life. I tend to slide between imaginary worlds. It’s something I enjoy and almost hate to admit I spend most of my time thinking about. Sharing all of this makes it seem more like a sickness than everything pleasant I know it is.

Anyway, I just ate a piece of chocolate that tasted a little strange. Although my first thought was that I had been poisoned by something evil, almost simultaneously, I realized that this is just the way those bite sized morsels taste. And instead of freaking out about it, I’m just going to throw it away. See? Completely normal.


One Response to “darkness covers, we find shelter”

  1. ssunaoka August 29, 2010 at 11:30 am #

    Sometimes I wonder if your definition and my definition of normal are the same. Most times I think not.

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