these violent delights

26 Mar

I went out the other night with a different group of people, and I muttered but one or two quiet sentences. I was disappointed with myself, but I’ll get over it. The end.

I cleaned my room earlier that day, and I was pleased. I am always amazed, when I consider the amount of hair on the floor, that I am not bald. For some reason, a clean room and a vacuumed floor makes me want to roll around on the carpet. I did for a second or two, probably shed a few more hairs, and stood up, because the floor was creaking and I felt like a freak. The insane amount of empty tissue boxes in my room is pretty freakish, too. They are neatly stacked in a corner, and the tower grows 1-2 boxes a month. If I didn’t know me, I’d think I was pale and sickly. Wait… maybe I am.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I am now on Spring Break? It’s just about over now, though, and I spent the whole week somewhere between worrying that I was missing class and wondering if summer had already begun. Being out of school is so confusing.

It’s 2:10am, and I keep thinking that there was something else I wanted to whine about. Quietness, freakishness, academia? Check, check, check. Oh! Duh. I should have used the contents of tonight’s blog to remind myself that I wanted to write about Bella Swan. Everything I do screams Bella. When a friend pointed this out, I shrugged it off. I took a quiz on Facebook a while back, and it told me that of the characters of the Twilight Saga, I was most like Bella. I shrugged it off then too, mostly because I didn’t want it to be true. But every time I trip on my own feet, turn down a shopping invite (because I hate shopping), or feel utterly lost and hopeless without my boyfriend, I can’t deny the similarities. Even before Twilight existed, I’ve had Bella-like tendencies, incredible urges to be stupid and reckless just to see the worried face of someone whom I thought should care. Ugh. We are both pathetic.
However, knowing how Bella’s relationships pan out gives me the slightest hope that I am capable of the same.

Margaritas this month: 6


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